The Writing Place

(Usually indicated by words that appear following conjunctions and/or.)

• Example: The reporter’s questions were careful and cautious.
• Diagnosis: If it says the same thing, delete it.
• Revision: The reporter’s questions were cautious.

(Usually indicated by there/it, especially at the beginning of sentences.)

• Example: It was clear from the speaker’s tone that he is passionate about his work.
• Diagnosis: If there are fewer words that say the same thing, change them.
• Revision: The speaker’s tone displayed his passion for his work.

(Usually indicated by that/which/who.)

• Example: Her belief is that there is too much fat in fast food.
• Diagnosis: These words often take up unnecessary space and can be replaced by shorter phrases that mean the same thing.
• Revision: She believes there is too much fat in fast food.

(Usually indicated by by/of/to/for/toward/on/at/from/with/as.)

• Example: There had been major changes to the manuscript related to the feedback given to the author.
• Diagnosis: Indicates wordiness or clutter; can often be consolidated or eliminated.
• Revision: After receiving feedback, the author made major changes to the manuscript.

(Usually indicated by conjugations of verbs to be, do, make, or have.)

• Example: Poor sportsmanship has been tied to bad coaching.
• Diagnosis: There are some instances where passive construction is preferred, especially when we don’t know or it isn’t important who is doing the action; in all other cases, try to be more exact.
• Revision: Bad coaches produce poor sportsmanship.

(Usually indicated by words ending in ent/ence/tion/ize.)

• Example: The teacher’s improvement was due to the development of better lesson plans.
• Diagnosis: Often signals vague subjects/verbs; try to replace by unnominalized form of verb.
• Revision: The teacher improved after developing better lesson plans.

(Usually indicated by not/no.)

• Example: Not only does the painting not have an adequate color palate, but it also does not have strong character linear patterns.
• Diagnosis: Can signal a weak noun or adjectives; try replacing with something stronger.
• Revision: The painting suffers from a meager color palate and weak linear patterns.

(Very or words ending in ly.)

• Example:They resolutely believed that Margaret would very successfully complete her dissertation.
• Diagnosis: Often signals a weak verb; replace with something stronger.
• Revision: They were confident that Margaret would complete a successful dissertation.

Using the strategies for trimming prose (above) edit the following paragraph. How many words can you remove? Click on the link below it for a sample revision and our commentary on it.

The sample paragraph is adapted from Thomas M. Annesley’s “Top 10 Tips for Responding to Reviewer and Editor Comments,” Clinical Chemistry 57:4 (2011), 551-554. Of course, I made his prose far worse than in the original.

A journal is costly and expensive to produce, and it is the editor’s responsibility to balance content and costs. As a result, it should not be surprising to you when you are asked to make your paper shorter by removing text, or even removing a table or graph. It is important that you take such requests seriously and try very hard to help the editor. The construction of journal articles often results in redundant repetitions from section to section that might be cut out. The ways in which the captions of figures repeat words and phrases that are also found in the methods section is one example. It is not always necessary to include all columns in a table. And, obviously, in our digitally enhanced age, figures, graphs, charts, tables, etc. can often be provided as supplemental materials on the Internet; they need not appear in print at all. As far as prose itself goes, writers must make it a practice to shorten and tighten their prose wherever and whenever possible. These changes will not only increase the chances that their work is selected for publication, but they will also make writing more easily understandable. (Words: 195)